Jennifer Johnson
Mom we have been so close since your cardiac arrests in 2019 and begging God keep you and survive because I hadn't been close to you and I needed my mommy. I was scared to say I love you or I forgive you but when you were fighting for your life I realized that no past fighting mattered just that I love you and I didn't want to lose you. I never left the hospital , and by Gods grace 6 weeks later you were there with me getting married. I never even wanted you to move. You sometimes would ask if you were a burden, not at all I loved taking care of you and talking everyday. I feel like I let you down because I had the heart attack and heart failure. He would not let me work yet and I wish I could have been there to protect you from the virus. I didn't see you the month I was in the hospital and when you were in the hospital I didn't have a chance to talk to you. Three days , I feel like I am lost without you. I gave permission to ventilate you because I thought if it worked before You would pull through. Please forgive me if you could have had a better chance without the ventilator. I cry so much because I when I was upset or scared about anything I called you and I know you can't answer. I want to smell your clothes and I feel like the mistakes I made in the past I deeply regret. I broke down when I tried to walk in the apartment because I expected to see you in the recliner saying I need my meds and breakfast. I am praying that you were not in pain or scared because I would have wanted to be there with you holding your hand. It hurts so much I feel like my heart is shattered. Jerry is devastated too and don't know how to help Robert. Anyway I love you and I hope you forgave my mess ups. I wanted you to forgive me if it was my fault. I needed more time with you
